im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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