It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
