you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
