I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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