normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please come you make the beer taste better
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
