if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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