He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
