What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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