Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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