so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
