I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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