Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
