I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will be naked everywhere
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
