I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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