Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
