I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize