this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
