I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
