Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
