why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
