u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
