have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
