I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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