I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
