But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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