I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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