Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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