Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
