So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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