i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize