You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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