So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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