i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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