so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
