How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
