I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You took a bar mat shot.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
