thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So squirting runs in the family.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
