He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
