I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize