i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
