dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
