oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
