I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
