I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
