batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
