Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
