Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
