Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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