My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
