There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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