Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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