Kiss
Puke
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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