a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
