Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
