Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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