I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I sprained my soul last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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