So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
