Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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