Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
