I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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