On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
