I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
