We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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