she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize