I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
