I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize