Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
