no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize