Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize